Lemon-iced

Cheesy Monday

2011-03-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday everyone!!!

I'm currently having a movie marathon of chick flicks off my DVD stack. Has so far watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days for like the 20th time already (it's one of my faves ok?). Right now I'm watching The Wedding Planner (another Matthew M. flick). Will still decide what to watch next.

I don't what got into me that I suddenly had this craving for cheesy movies. Perhaps I'm just PMSing or just plain happy. My heart is beaming with joy! Uh, this is what love does to me.

Anyways, I'm typing this from my Blackberry. My laptop crashed a couple of days back and it still getting fixed. Glad I have trusty BIS so I can still connect to my social networks.

Hope ya'll have a happy and productive week ahead filled with love and joy!

Xoxo

Landslide

2011-03-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

Literally screamed when I heard Gwyneth Paltrow sing this song while I was watching Glee. This was one of most favorite songs and it never fails to bring out my emotions whenever I hear this.

Took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well, I'm getting older too

So take this love and take it down
Yeah, and if you climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe, well maybe, well maybe
The landslide will bring you down

Maersk Management Team Building

2011-03-06T23:30:00.000-08:00

Had a wonderful time at the management team building and business planning of our department over the weekend held at Montemar Beach Resort in Bataan. The workshop was very enlightening and it was nice to know all of our plans this 2011. We really have a lot to look forwad to this year. It was also nice that the managers and team leaders of FNA got together and let their hair down and just have fun.

managers and team leaders of FNA

upon arrival at Montemar Beach Resort, Bataan

CSR activity: releasing of pawikan to the open sea

LAM1 team with our GM

Latin America 1 team

jump shot :)

my team during the games. we lost though. :(

during the game

TLs chilling out

group pic during the CSR activity

on the shell-filled shore

group pic

jump shot # 2

group pic

group pic again

the 30 year old turtle we released to the sea

the harassed turtle

bonfire

Worst Week Evah!

2011-02-20T16:17:00.000-08:00

So, I was sick the whole of last week which started on the 15th, my birthday of all days! T__T It was so bad I was even rushed to the ER of Medical City on Friday evening. This was the sickest I have ever been for as long as I can remember. My body is full of medicines from the IV fluids the doctors injected on me to the countless paracetamols that I took that even my urine now smell like medicine (disgusting)! I'm still not 100% well right now. I still have a slight fever and the craziest nausea ever. But I will be returning to work already today cause I already missed a lot over the past week.

By a lot, I mean major, at least for me! I was supposed to go to Cebu and Bohol with my friends last Friday for 5 days. It would have been a super fun trip but because I was sick they had to go without me. Huhu! They're still in Bohol right now, where I should be instead of watching another rerun of the semi-finals of Live to Dance. Why is life is so unfair sometimes?! This is the second time I missed a trip and wasted all the money I paid for plane fare and hotel. Jeez! I.wil.not.get.sick.again!

So there you go, pardon the rant but hope ya'll have a great week ahead! <3 <3 <3

P.S.
Super thanks to my nurse - Jaypee - who lovingly took care of me while I was sick, did all the chores, made me healthy food and drinks, reminded me to drink my meds, and who never failed to remind me to always take care of my health. Loveyoumuch!

Another year

2011-02-14T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's someone's birthday today....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

mine!

Love love love!

I Heart Barcelona

2011-02-13T18:16:00.000-08:00

Finally done with my Madrid post! Whew! Next up, Barcelona!!!

Before going back to Manila, we decided to take a side-trip to Barcelona and flew roughly 313 miles which took us a little more than one hour from Madrid. Unlike our trip to Madrid, our trip to Barcelona was purely for pleasure reason why we enjoyed it much more than Madrid. We were so busy and stressed while we were in Madrid so we were not able to tour the city, so when we got to Barcelona, we made the most out of it.

I loooovvvvveeeee Barcelona! It was so beautiful! Just thinking about it makes me miss it so much! This city has etched Spain in my heart and I will definitely go back once I already have the means to do so. I left a piece of my heart in Barcelona, and I'll definitely go and reclaim it again one time. :-)

Anyways, pictures!!!!!

Viva Barcelona! photo taken by a Filipino we met there.

I'm horrible at remembering places

the carvings on the monument reminds me of the Spanish friars during the Spanish colonial era

fact: that girl behind me got no panties on and her pubs are waving hello at us wtf!

i think this is the Olympic Stadium during the Barcelona Olympics

i've never seen this many doves in my life!

fortunately, was not able to catch bird flu.

one of the buildings designed by Antoni Gaudi. just google what this place is called.

was wearing the shirt given to me by my Spanish colleagues before we left Madrid

shopping (er, window shopping) in Chanel

Burberry!

Bulgari

Gucci

Louis Vuitton

the famous, but still unfinished masterpiece of Antoni Gaudi, the Sagrada Familia

this huge cathedral started in 1882 but is scheduled to be completed on 2026!

just look at the sculptures! magnificent!

on the other side

customary pic with the Sagrada Familia

a pic of me under the Olympic rings

this structure, with it's eight rings, symbolizes the Olympic rings. created during the Barcelona Olympics.

one of the government offices

at the gothic cathedral

again, i forgot the name of this park

can you see me?

:-)

Olympic Stadium

while waiting for the Barcelona Bus Turistic

the building behind me is shaped like a boat

pic taken after our arrival in Barcelona. somewhere in Plaza Catalonya

castle

with the breath-taking view of Barcelona

the Olympic torch

at Plaza Catalonya

one of the structures in the Olympic Stadium

one of the structures near our hotel

with Sheila

aboard the airport bus

Madrid Part 2

2011-02-13T16:50:00.000-08:00

Oh, hi there, blog!

Pardon my uber long hiatus. Been very busy lately. Anyways, have decided to start one of my New Year's checklist, which is to go back to blogging ( I call it my checklist instead of resolutions because I don't have the resolve to bring it all into fruition wtf). So here am I again. Cheers!

But first up, Happy Valentines day everyone! Hope you'll all be filled with love this heart's day. Will wear my color today at the office. We were all advised to wear our heart's color today - red if you're in a relationship, yellow if it's complicated, blue if you're in search of a new love, white if you're happy being single and black if you, uhm well, doesn't give a fuck. I was planning to wear something blue or yellow today because I don't really celebrate vday eversince and have never worn anything red on past vdays and I don't even have any red clothes anyway wtf. I told the boyfriend this and he said, "I'll buy you a red shirt". And so he did, and now I have no choice but to wear red and commit social suicide because from now on no other guy will approach me because they'll think I'm already taken. Haha! Just kidding!

Anyways, here's the super delayed part 2 of my post about my Madrid trip in September of 2009. I already forgot what we did or the places we went to, so I'll just let the pictures tell you the story.

with ate Emma and cutie Villa

L-R: Juan Pardo, Sheila, me, Villa, Ruben, Sara and te Ems

with the Latino heartbreaker Villa! haha! (so haggard. wasn't able to retouch my make-up wtf)

lol at Ruben

with the Spain team on our last day in Madrid

the Maersk Spain, SLU office

by just looking at this pic you can already see how stressed I was

forgot the name of this garden

the whole Spain and Portugal migration team: me, Sheila, MJ, Emma and Bugi

sight-seeing at the Plaza Royale

:-)

at Plaza Mayor

on the top of the double-decker tourist bus which we paid for 17 Euros but were only able to ride for less than 2 hours because we were already so tired to go sight-seeing. 17 euros down the drain. ouch!

outside the Maersk office. I travel like this everyday. with my heavy laptop and my equally heavy bag. one hour train ride with lots of walking. torture man!

at Templo de Debod

Of Human Billboards and Double Monitors

2010-04-19T17:38:00.000-07:00

Funny how today’s businessmen find all sorts of ways to advertise or market their products. From internet marketing, to print, to commercials, to gargantuan billboards or endless gimmicks all designed to catch our attention with varying degrees of effectiveness.

I remembered when we went to Boracay last year, there was this massage parlor along Station 2 which never failed to make me smile whenever I passed by their shop. Their staffs were lined up outside and whenever people will pass by, they would chant these words:

Hi Sir/Ma’am massage

Try our massage

Massage now Sir/Ma’am

Try now

I’m not sure if that were the exact words but I got a serious case of LSS when I was there. How could I not when they would chant those very words every time someone would pass by their shop, which in Station 2 standards means like every second. I found it quite funny especially how the girls delivered it. Although when I heard it for like the 35^th time, it wasn’t quite funny anymore wtf.

Here in Manila, one of the latest forms of advertising is the human billboards. They’re basically people who walk around the city’s streets with mini billboards that they carry like backpacks. I guess the reason why they’re quite popular nowadays is because they’re cheap plus they’re quite personal since the people who carry them can interact with their target market.

In Ortigas, where I work, you would find many of these human billboards walking along the streets. But there is one that really caught my attention. Since last week, everytime I pass by Julia Vargas on my way to the office, I would find this group of human billboards standing near McDonald’s at El Pueblo greeting every passerby in unison to advertise their instant noodles. Their chant goes like this:

1,2,3

Hi Ma’am, Hi Sir

Tekki Shomen noodles po

Ingat

I never failed to smile whenever I heard them. They’re quite funny. Especially when they would count from one to three before they start so they would be synchronized when they greet you. From the MRT station, I walk a long way just to get to the office under the scorching heat and humidity of the summer sun and hearing them kinda takes away the stress and heat and replace it with a light heart and smile instead. And because of that I’m definitely buying their instant noodles. Hope to hear them again later.

Anyway, would like to share with you a picture of my workstation at the office.

I work with two monitors which is very convenient especially since I didn’t have to press alt-tab that often just to switch from one file to another. Guess when I move to a new job I will have a hard time getting used to working with a single monitor again.

We are currently organizing our team’s team building this May 21^st and I’m quite excited because I think that would be the only time I would be able to go to the beach this summer wtf! Huhu! Had to cancel the CamSur trip next month because we have more important things to spend our money on and save up for. Top of the list of course is the Permanent Residence application for Canada. Hope everything will fall into place for us. *fingers crossed*

buhbye Caramoan T__T

On a side note, we have an activity in the office wherein the departments would compete in beautifying their respective offices with a summer theme using recyclable materials and on Friday, we would all wear summer outfits for the event. Then last night, our department manager sent an email to one of the organizers putting all of us in copy saying "could you please define what exactly do you mean by summer outfit? because i'm afraid some people will misinterpret it and wear daring outfits...". Haha! So funny! Like we would wear two-piece swimsuits to the office!

Beach = Happiness

2010-04-06T03:42:00.000-07:00

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love.
Got my friends, got the sunshine above.
Why am I making this hard on myself
when there's so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy.
-Natasha Beddingfield

Ahhh... so beautiful.

This is my new mantra in life (one of them, at least).

So true and so appropriate to my life right now. There's just so many things - crazy, mind-blowing things - that's been happening lately and sometimes I feel like giving up. But this song reminded me that there are so many good things to be happy about.

And one of them is this...

{source}
I'll be seeing you soon.

Canyon Cove - Nasugbu, Batangas. So pretty. Just looking at the beach and the infinity pool makes me salivate. Gotta-plan-the-next-beach-trip-soon.

cutie Zanya enjoying the pool. so cute!

Ain't life grand?

xoxo

Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

2010-04-04T17:35:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I ended my post saying I'm off to bed. That didn't happen though. Because yesterday I had another case of insomnia attack. Like really. I've been lying on my bed for hours with the lights turned off but sleep simply evades me. So at 4am, I decided to use my idle time and wrapped the gift of the boyfriend instead.

And since I’ve no extra gift wrappers from last season, I scavenged through my drawers and found these stack of brochures from my recent trip to Singapore and Malaysia. I never realized that I’ve brought back that much stack of junk home. What I’m going to do with all of them (plus the other stack of brochures I brought home from Spain), I have no idea, but I couldn’t find it in me to throw them all away despite the fact that their taking up lots of space in my already cramped drawers.

But I found one good use for them – I used some as a gift wrapper for the boyfriend’s gift. Cleverness!

my masterpiece. that little pop-up figure with two owls up on a date came from one of the brochures. they're so cute so I just have to add them up.

another angle. you can see on one half of the box is a brochure of the Singapore Flyer and the other half is from the brochure of the KL Hop-on Hop-off Tour Bus.

a close-up of the owls.

It's Monday, oh Manic Monday. My work this week starts at 10pm so I have another few hours to catch up on sleep. Bye for now. Babooshie!

So I drew a new face and I laughed

2010-04-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

Before anything else, Happy Easter everyone!!!

So, after many months, I finally got myself to blog again. I know I’m always saying that I’ll blog regularly, but I just fail everytime. But if you just know what’s been happening to me for the past couple of months or so, I’m sure you would understand. Life has just been downright crazy. And that’s an understatement even. The craziness isn’t over yet but what the heck?, let’s just keep the dice rolling baby. There’s nothing I can do about it anyway except to just let it play itself and hope to heavens that I’ll still be sane afterwards. So cheers to that!

It’s exactly 1 hour into the Easter Sunday and here I am blogging away while watching a re-run of the AI eliminations (Didi got booted out, boohoo!) because I’m all alone and the boyfriend won’t be coming home tonight. Just arrived a couple of hours ago from Tarlac where I spent the Holy Week in a very fruitful and religious fashion - sleeping the whole day! Seriously, I think the number of hours I spent there sleeping exceeded the hours I am awake. That meant less family time but I can’t help myself, I’m just so tired. T__T

In the meantime, the boyfriend will be back tomorrow morning from Bulacan where he spent his Holy Week and I just can’t wait to give him my post-anniversary gift. Uhm, yeah, we celebrated our 2^nd anniversary on the 29^th and I still haven’t given him any gift. So I went to the mall to buy him the overdue present but then I remembered that the gift that I wanted to give him requires that he come along with me because it needs his exact measurements. I’m not quite into buying things that doesn’t fit their recipients and just have them resized or returned if they didn’t. I’m OC that way. So I decided to forego that gift for some other occasion and just opted to buy him flip-flops instead. He’s been planning to buy one so I did him a favor of not having to shop for it himself by buying it for him. Oh, I’m such a sweet girlfriend. Hehe! He wanted Havaianas but the shop is on the annex building which means lots of walking and I’m not in the mood to walk that far and besides the mall is about to close anyway so since the nearest store is Ipanema, I bought him Ipanema instead. Beggars can’t be choosers. *evil grin* The problem is, when I got home and I checked his slippers, I realized that the size I bought was a bit small for him wtf! So what I did was I put the receipt in the box so that when it doesn’t fit, I’ll just tell him that we’ll just have to return them and get a bigger size and happily tell him that the good thing about it is that he can choose a different design or style if he wants. I’m a genius. *evil grin*

On another note, since it has been ages since I last blogged, it meant that I have yet to blog the next installment of my Madrid trip and the Barcelona trip of last year, and the Singapore and Malaysia trip of 2 months ago. A while ago I saw again the movie Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo and it made me awwweeedd so much because it showed some of the places I visited in Barcelona. God I miss Barcelona! And Madrid! I hope one day I can go back and say Hola and Muy bien again.

It’s the height of summer here in the good ole Philippine islands. The weather is scorching hot. Everyone on Facebook has been posting pictures after pictures of their summer escapades while we poor folks don’t even have a plan on yet on where we would go this summer. The boyfriend and I have been joking on packing our things and going to Boracay one weekend but of course we both know it wouldn’t push through. We’ve just been on an out of the country trip so another expensive trip is out of the question. Perhaps an inexpensive one will do. Like the nearby public swimming pool perhaps? Uhm, definitely not! Maybe I should start researching about Anawangin or Anvaya Cove. Hopefully it won’t be that expensive considering it’s just on the main island. So I’ll keep my fingers crossed. If not, I can still rely on my company’s team building for a free summer escapade. Yeah!

Anyhoo, will update this blog soon. For now, I'm off to bed. Ciao!

On the Rebound

2010-01-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

my world fell apart.
i have been torn asunder.
i was broken.
yes.
but like a phoenix
i am reborn from the ashes.
stronger and better than i ever was.
do you really think i was that weak?
i'm made of stronger stuff than that.
i have a really good teacher.
you...

Madrid Part 1

2009-12-01T00:53:00.000-08:00

Let’s start my long overdue post about my trip to Spain last September, shall we?

So almost two months after I moved to my new employer, I was given this great opportunity to attend three weeks of migration sessions in Madrid. I was so thrilled of course! It has always been my dream to go to Europe. And I was flying there for free so that made me doubly ecstatic! Though I wasn’t able to go to France, my uber ultimate destination, at least I was able to cross-out the top 5 on my ‘Places to visit before I die’ list - Spain.

Lucky as I was, going to Spain meant sacrificing my long-awaited trip to Singapore and Malaysia with Jaypee. This was because 4 days before the SG-MY trip, I went to the Spanish consulate to apply for my visa and was surprised to find out that I have to leave my passport there for processing. Of course I grudgingly left my passport behind, business first before pleasure wtf. But I was so upset because we have waited for the trip for more than 5 months and I hate to disappoint Jaypee. Plus we booked a non-refundable ticket so double ouch! But he was very supportive of my Spain trip and since he doesn’t want to go there by himself we just said buh-bye to the SG-MY trip. Sigh!

Anyways, going to Spain was like visiting the motherland – the Philippines having been colonized by Spain for more than three hundred years. We have so much in common - from our names, architecture, culture, even a bit of our language – that it wasn’t difficult to feel at home there. When we first arrived in Madrid, what surprised me most was the weather. It was so hot! Much like Manila. You see, I have always imagined the weather in Europe to be cool even in the summer, and to be welcomed by the same weather I left behind in Manila was a little reality-shaker for me. We arrived in Spain during the last stretch of summer. Luckily, after more than a week, the weather started to chill as the autumn season begins.

Madrid was beautiful! It was so nice that they were able to preserve the beautiful architecture of their past. If only Manila was able to preserve the architecture during the Spanish era, it would be as beautiful as Madrid. Unfortunately, we were only able to tour the city during our last weekend there as we were so busy with work that we were working even on weekends. It was a super-stressful three weeks that we were not able to visit even the park in front of our hotel – the Plaza Espana.

Anyway, we stayed at the Espahotel at Plaza de Espana, which was almost an hour away from the office at Pozuelo de Alarcon. Everyday, we have to travel an hour each way, 2 train rides each, just to get to the office and back which of course added to our already stressful states. It was also difficult to navigate Madrid’s train system which was made up of more than 10 train lines and crissed-crossed like crazy it was astounding that the Spanish know it by heart. But fortunately, we didn’t get lost.

I also enjoyed the food! Especially the paella! Gained a few more pounds when i was there wtf!

Sorry but my network connection is acting up so I'll just have to do a part two. Peace!

1. the Palacio Real de Madrid

2. the street that we always cross on our long journey to the office

3. the price that I had to pay for not posting this entry immediately - i forgot what place this is

4. at Museo Del Prado

5. the leaning towers of Madrid! haha!

6. really pretty greenery on the side of a buidling. marvelous!

7. at Plaza Mayor

8. had a super long walk that day. good thing i was weaing my chucks!

9. at the garden of the Royal Palace

9. when we were in Barcelona, we were looking for a police car so we could also take pictures with it. couldn't find one though.

10. the Palacio Real de Madrid

11. i always pose like this. don't know why.

12. at the bus

13. looking at the view of Madrid through a telescope

14. Templo de Debod

6 Months in the Making

2009-11-15T14:55:00.000-08:00

after 6 months of neglecting this blog of mine, finally, a new post! it seems like a lifetime ago since i last made my 'lackluster' post. back then, i was so emo and negative and exhausted of everything, which in little doses i still am, though now i have learned to be more positive and to always try look at the bigger picture - that my life isn't perfect but i'm still blessed in more ways than one. as they say, life is what you make it. so right after writing my last post, i had an awakening. i realized that i should stop procrastinating and blabbering about how miserable my life is but instead focus on how to turn my life around. if i want to change my life's direction, i should act to make those changes and not just wait for change to come. so i decided to take it in stride, one step at a time.

the first thing i did was to quit my job. my job is my daily source of unhappiness. the kind where i'd rather camp in my room the whole day to read for the 23rd time the whole Harry Potter series on a beautiful Tuesday morning than dress up to go to work and waste 9 long hours on doing something i hate doing. everyday, i always need to motivate myself, more specifically, to remind myself that i needed to earn money, just to get out of bed and go to work. i always end up coming to work almost two hours late or else, making up 101 excuses on why i would not be able to report to work. that is how i despise my job at that time. so of course, if i wanted to rid my life of the things that make me unhappy, that is where i should start. a few hours after i wrote my 'lackluster' post, i quit my job. less than a week after that, i became officially unemployed.

of course quitting my job isn't an easy thing to do. i am a breadwinner. my family's life depends on my job. that is the reason why i stayed there for almost 5 years. but certain sacrifices have to be made. risks have to be taken. my decision raised eyebrows of some of the people around me. they thought i was being selfish and irrational. but i did not explain my actions to them. what for? they would not understand whatever i say anyway. so i stood by my decision. in the end, i proved them all wrong. a few days after i quit my job, i found a new job on a multi-national company and 2 months later, i flew to Spain for a 3-week business trip. i felt vindicated!

imagine my happiness when i learned that i was chosen to go to Spain after being in the company for just 2 months! i never felt so blessed in my life until that moment. (of course, my whole Spain trip - Madrid and Barcelona - deserves a separate blog post of its own) it felt like all my hardwork have been rewarded. it made me realize that i'm still blessed. it put my whole life into a whole new perspective. after i came back from the trip, i felt a whole new vigor and i vowed to continue making positive changes in my life. continue chasing my dreams.

for years, i have been living on my own. i preferred it that way. i always find myself to be independent in nature. even when i was younger, i couldn't remember a time that i asked my parents for help on my homework, no matter how difficult it is. if i don't know the answer, i will try to browse all the resource materials i have until i find it. it doesn't work all the time of course. but it gives me a certain pride whenever i get a high score knowing that i worked hard for it. the same applies on my personal life. i always try to solve my problems on my own. somehow, i feel that it made me stronger. so living on my own has never been a problem for me. it may get lonely sometimes, yes, but i sometimes find solitude comforting. i thrive in silence. whenever i am alone, i just get burried on my own thoughts and somehow feel at peace. that's my all-time favorite past-time by the way, thinking. my imagination is so deep i can spend the whole day just thinking about anything under the sun. sometimes, even when i am around people, i just sit there in silence and just think.

but i got tired of being alone. i get so lonely whenever i come home to an empty house. i feel that i'll lose my marbles whenever i spend even just a day alone. thinking a lot has become exhausting. i feel that my problems are magnified whenever i am alone in my house with no one to talk to. i could no longer stand to be alone. in time, i began to come home at my place less and less. in the end, i stopped coming home altogether. i decided to drop my place and live with my boyfriend.

the new set-up had a lot of getting-used to. i now had to do the laundry for two, not just mine. i need to learn how to cook. i learned to remove the long strands of hair clinging to the shower drain. i learned to accept the fact that i could not watch iron chef america in peace because he will sometimes grab the remote and change the channel to UFC. but i am happy. it feels so good to come home to a house where someone is waiting for you with delicious, home-cooked meal. it also feels good to do the same in return. it feels good to be taken care of and care for someone in return. we do not yet treat each other as husband and wife. we're still boyfriend-girlfriend. the only difference is we live in the same roof. we do not yet think of getting married because it will just complicate things. we are happy this way. the set-up is for practical reasons. we could both save for our future but still help our own families. and we're happy this way. it may have raised the ire of some people but we don't care. we may not share the same principles as them but our own principles tell us that we are not doing anything wrong. we are still supporting our own families. isn't that what they are bothered for anyway?

my relationship with my family has also improved. since i was living away from them, i decided to visit them more often. i love them dearly. i feel very protective of them. i will not let anyone hurt them. i know that problems will always be there but as long as were together, we can surpass anything. we have been through a lot and that made us stronger. we can withstand anything.

during the past six months, a lot of things has happened. both good and bad. but i realized that bad things will always be there, no matter how much you try to avoid it. they're inevitable. but they're always there for a reason. they add the spice to life. they teach you lessons. they make you stronger. and they make you look forward to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

i am happier now. i learned to look at the bright side of every situation, no matter how bad it is. i have wanted changed. i did everything in my power to achieve that change. and now i am reaping the fruits of that change. of course there will always be bumps along the road. that's given. but i know that i can breeze through it because haven't i been cruising along life's bumps all my life? and i'm still here ain't it? i'm still thriving. so bring it on, i say. let's rock and roll!

Lackluster

2009-05-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while taking an afternoon nap, I had a dream about flying. In the dream, I was on-board an airplane while it was doing exhibitions in the air. Me and my companions (who were all old ladies, I don't know why) were strapped upright on the sides of the plane instead of sitting down on the plane's seats. When the plane landed, I found myself parasailing off the shores of Boracay. But instead of just parasailing above the sea, the wind blew me into the city and I was flying, sometimes landing, on the rooftops of buildings and houses before the wind blew me again to Boracay and landed safely to the sailboat.

When I woke up, I had no difficulty in interpreting what my dream meant because that was exactly what I've been thinking and feeling for days. I wanted to fly. I wanted to break-free from all these mess that my life had become. I wanted to go to a far-away place by myself for a couple of days to think things over and cry and scream endlessly and uninterruptedly and just simply take out all my frustrations and shout to the world how life can be so damn unfair! I wanted to leave everything behind and start a new life somewhere where no one knows me and no one can reach me. I wanted to simply get lost. All because I am so sick and tired of my life!

I don't know how or when I reached this point. I have become unhappy. The small things that usually bring me joy during times like these like DQ rocky road blizzard, corny jokes, Milo, chocolates, upbeat music, movie marathons or Johnny Depp couldn't even uplift my spirit even just a tiny bit. What is happening to me? How did I become so weak? I used to think that time and experience had toughen me up and taught me important lessons that I could use as weapons to defeat all my life's enemies. But now everything seemed futile. I have fallen prey to the very thing that I've been trying so hard to avoid at all costs: misery. Now, I feel so miserable. Life has lost its splendor and long as the tunnel is, I still couldn't see the light at the end of it.

The thing is: I hate my life because it is not going the way I had planned it, or liked it to be. It had come to a point where I had become tired of living it. I'm tired of sacrificing everything for other people. I am tired of being the breadwinner. I'm tired of being the only person who had to carry the burden of trying all means possible to save my family. I'm tired of being the only one who had to look for ways to solve every problem of my family. I am tired of taking care of people who are old enough and are capable of taking care of themselves. I am sick of people who do not care about us just because their life is going pretty well. I am sick of people accusing me of being selfish just because I allow myself to experience a few, rare luxuries when I am sacrificing a lot and working my butt out to provide for my family. Since when did rewarding one's self equate to being selfish? I am sick of my job or rather, I hate my job. I am tired of having to stay at this job just because I could not afford the downtime and the ephemeral unemployment that comes with searching for the perfect job. I am tired of being rejected by people I care about. I am sick of broken promises. I am sick of weak people who gives up easily. I am sick of being hurt by the people I love. I hate it that I could not do everything that I want to do because I need to work on my priorities first. I am tired of fighting for something that is just going on spiral for quite sometime. I am tired of feeling so alone. I am tired of living.

Some of the things I mentioned above concern my family. Don't get me wrong though. I love my family and I am willing to give and sacrifice a lot for them. But I am only human. I get tired too. I was just thinking, how long should I put my dreams, like starting my own family, on hold for them? Will it take forever?

I have been fretting and procrastinating and crying for days because I don't know what to do to turn my life around. There were things that I have no control over and I am just leaving it up to fate. I couldn't sleep last night so I spent it thinking. I was thinking of going away for a couple of days, all by myself, somewhere far from the city like Baguio or the beach. There, I will spend my solitude on reflections and letting go and creating action points for my life and from there, I will try to emerge a better, stronger person. Oh, if only things are that easy!

Bev(heart)Shu

2009-05-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the new Mika(heart)Shu collection by Shu Uemura? If not, well then check them out 'cause they're fantabulous.

Check out these babies! Fabulous!

When I first laid my eyes on the collection, I immediately fell in love with them. The vibrant colors are very much pleasing to the eyes and is a far cry from the monochromatic colors of today's make-up kits. It's a limited edition so you have to hurry up if you want to get your hands on them.

The Mika(heart)Shu collection is a collaboration between Shu Uemura and Mika Ninagawa, an award-winning Japanese photographer. The collection pretty much reflects Ninagawa's style which is filled with vibrant psychedelic colors, feminine beauty, and a subtle inocence. As Ninagawa puts it, “the message I wanted to convey was ‘dressing up for your own beauty’”, which is really what the collection is all about.

The collection includes the Mika(heart)Shu Portable Brush Set which is really pretty. The brush case is purple on the outside with a special Mika red rose photograph lining the inside and includes 4 brushes: goat brush for the face, pony and squirrel brush for the cheeks, sable and kolinsky brush for the eyes, and a sable brush for the lips. Fortunately, one generous soul is giving us the chance to get them for free! Check out Beauty For A Living for more details.

love the purple color!

mine!

Blast from the Past

2009-04-27T00:12:00.000-07:00

You know the feeling when you saw an old picture, heard a song on a radio or went to a familiar place and suddenly memories (even those you dread) come flashing back at you and sometimes, old feelings that you thought you have already bottled up deep in your recesses suddenly seem fresh anew? Well such was the case for me today. Mine came in the form of a letter.

I was rummaging through my old files this morning when I came upon a letter written for me by my boyfriend's ex that she posted on her blog. It was written almost a year ago during the time when we were still tangled up into the crazy mess that left a huge scar to us all. It was an episode in my life that, although it has taught me a valuable lesson and has given me something both tangible and intangible to grasp and hold on to, was painful and life-altering that I desperately tried to forget it (and quite succeeded...quite..). But now, suddenly and out of nowhere, a memory from the past broke the bubble that I have created for myself. Defenseless, I suddenly found myself immersed anew to the pain and anger that I have felt during those fateful times. Maybe it caught me in a bad time. For I think that if I discovered it during my normal state of being, I would have easily brushed the old feelings aside and say, so what wtf! But today, I am not my normal self. And that is why I'm feeling this crappy wtf!

Quite a long time has already passed since the things that shouldn't have happened, happened, so I was hesitant at first to talk about it here...now...because I don't think it is appropriate and relevant given that we have all tried to move on from it already. But maybe, part of the reason about this sudden surge of this blast from the past was that, the episode ended with that letter. Unfinished business as they say. Primarily because I wasn't able to say what I have to say or defend myself to the accusations that were thrown at me. I am not a war freak as much as I am not a coward. As much as possible, I stay away from those kind of things, not run away mind, but I always want to have the opportunity to defend myself. Especially when I feel that I deserve to defend myself. But it didn't happen that way. I decided to shut my mouth and just let it go.

But I think, for my peace of mind, I will say what I feel or rather felt that time. When a friend of mine sent me a copy of that letter, of course I was angry. Who wouldn't be when someone accuse you of being selfish for not allowing your boyfriend to see her vacationing ex-girlfriend who in the first place, has already met up with him 3 times in 1 week? Am I selfish because I asked my boyfriend not to see her the fourth time? or fifth? or sixth wtf? What? does she want to be with my boyfriend for the whole month that she was back in the Philippines? If she was just a normal ex-girlfriend I would have allowed them to meet up a couple of times more, for old times sake wtf, but such was not the case with her. We had issues. And during that time, it was still too fresh to just ignore it and act like nothing happened. Besides, my boyfriend and I were just slowly putting our life back together that time. I also think she was a hypocrite for saying that she doesn't want to do anything that will ruin what me and my boyfriend have and all she want was friendship when in fact, my boyfriend told me that when they met, she was asking him back wtf! That was the main catalyst why I, in her words, 'forbid' my boyfriend to see her again. So I don't think I was being selfish. More of being practical wtf for trying to stay away from 'harm's way'.

I asked my friends and even some mere acquaintances (because friends are friends and they will be patronizing and loyal so I seeked impartial opinion) if they would have done what I did (asking my boyfriend to stopp seeing her ex) if they were in my shoes. I asked because I wanted to know if I really am being selfish and irrational about it? All of them said they would probably have done what I did owing to the circumstances. They would allow them to meet up once or twice to talk about things and finish whatever unfinished business there was between them but meeting up a couple of times more is too much and is totally unnecessary. That said, I rest my case.

I also asked my friend's opinion, my boyfriend included, if I should reply to what she wrote. With this, I got contradicting replies. My boyfriend said no because for sure it would just blow out of proportion and would turn nasty again so since we were already happy, we should just leave it to the past and let bygones be bygones. Others told me to reply and air my side, especially since she wrote it on her blog for all her friends to see, with me being unfavorably judged by people who doesn't even know me nor half of the story. Personally, I really wanted to reply to her letter and say my piece, because as I said, I always want to defend myself especially when I feel that I am right. But upon giving it careful thought, I decided to heed my boyfriend's advice and not reply to the letter because I felt that the issue between us have already dragged long enough and that we all need to move on and end that chapter in our lives once and for all.

Some of you may ask why I am writing this now when it happened a year ago and I said we have already moved on. My answer would be I needed to do this so I could "completely" move on and close that chapter for good. You know what they say about ghosts coming back to the world of the living because they have unfinished business? (how lame to compare it to a ghost story wtf) Well, in essence, this is what it is all about. Settling my unfinished business. My way of letting it all go. Because years from now, when another memory of that episode showed itself before me, I could finally say, so what wtf!, coz I know that I already did what I have to do, said what i have to say, and not have regrets and what ifs. I have let it out of my chest already so I think I could close that chapter already, for good.

If she reads this, this could be misconstrued the other way. But like when she wrote that post in her blog, I just also want to say what I feel. What I said above was how I felt during that time, what I would have replied to her, and does not necessarily mean that it is still what I feel up to now. It is not my intention to start another fight. We all don't need that! This is just me seeking closure.

And so I'll end this in a happy note. I wish her well. And as for me and my boyfriend, we are happy now, and our love is stronger than ever. Maybe years from now, when we look back on our life together, we could laugh about the silly things we did, this included. =)

A Quick Post

2009-04-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

Ok. So this blog of mine have been neglected for quite some time now. There were so many blog-worthy things that happened but I just couldn't find the time to blog them cause I was so busy with work and work and work. Duh! Excuses, excuses, I know wtf! But see, I am an accountant. April 15 is looming. It's crunch time baby! Enough rants wtf!

As I said, a lot of blog-worthy things transpired during my hiatus, and the most important was that my boyfriend and I celebrated our first anniversary last March 29. *applause* *thank you, thank you* It's only our first anniversary, but in essence, we've been together much longer. This was actually our second relationship. Our first relationship lasted for only 2 months. But I won't bore you with the uber long story. It isn't pretty.

Anyway, on the eve of our anniversary, we took part in the Earth Hour 2009. We lit a candle and had a romantic candlelight dinner. No, actually we prepared our dinner quite late so we were forced to eat in the dark wtf! To kill time, my boyfriend decided to serenade me with his guitar and I was forced to listen to his horrible singing cause I can't read my friggin' book. But don't tell him I said that. =) (honey if you're reading, you know i love you)

Our anniversary celebration was quite simple. We went to the salon to get our facial. Romantic, right? No? Oh, whatever! We also went to Intramuros cause we were feeling a bit historical. I've got no photos cause the camera we used went bonkers. So much for capturing precious moments!

Before that, we cooked spaghetti which isn't really for us, it was actually for my mom. My mom's birthday was March 28th and since she was visiting at my place I decided to surprise her with a simple birthday celebration. My brother and my niece will also be dropping by. So I went to the grocery to buy the stuff that we'll need but when I was about to go home, my brother told me that my mom went back to Tarlac already. Major screw-up! I called my mom and scolded her for not telling me that she was going back to Tarlac already. That would have saved me from buying all those stuffs for nothing. But I couldn't blame her entirely cause she doesn't know that I was planning a surprise for her. So since it's our anniversary, we just cooked the food for us. At least, it wasn't really wasted.

On another note, we are going to Singapore and Malaysia this August. Yey! I'm so excited. I've been browsing different websites to see the places that we are going to visit. I had our itinerary all planned-out. All i gotta is save wtf!

I don't know what's into me lately, but I've been lurking on different wedding websites especially those of people I know. I watched their wedding videos and got all teary wtf! Pathetic! But I'm really a hopeless romantic. I even had the perfect wedding team in mind for my wedding, from the cake, the motif, the wedding planner, the couturier, the videographer, even wedding favors. But don't get me wrong. I'm not getting married yet. I still have too much baggage and I find it unfair to suddenly drag my boyfriend into my mess. In time.

It's the Holy Week. Sad that I won't be able to go to Tarlac where I usually celebrate the Holy Week. Will be stucked in my house instead with my books as company. Might as well go to the office and work instead. Haih!

Boracay 2009

2009-03-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a wonderful weekend in Boracay, though it was not really a relaxing weekend getaway one would expect from going to the beach due to the cornucopia of activities that we did while we were there.

Boracay is beautiful! I've never seen such fine, powdery white sand in my life. The turquoise-colored water is also beckoning. Boracay is indeed one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. What I don't like about Boracay though was that, it was too crowded and commercialized for my taste. The thing is, my idea of a perfect beach getaway is lounging around in a secluded beach, sun bathing in the powdery white sand while reading a good book and sipping fresh buko juice straight from the shell, getting a good massage, watching the sunset with my boyriend while holding hands and kissing in the beach, having long, senseful conversations and swimming in the warm, crystal clear waters of the ocean. Aahhhh... paradise! Boracay, I can say, is almost paradise (oops, is that a song?) but not quite. Wtf!

me, remie and jing enjoying Boracay's white sand and clear waters

Anyways, as I said, we did a lot of activities while we were there we hardly had time to swim in the glorious waters of Boracay.

1. ATV Driving to the top of Mt. Luho

This was the first activity that we did while in Boracay. Aside from parasailing, the other activity that I was most excited to try in Boracay was ATV. ATV, short for all-terrain vehicle, is a small 4-wheeled truck that you have to drive on the rough, uphill road leading to the top of Mt. Luho, the highest point in Boracay. I almost backed-out at first when I learned that I have to drive it to get to Mt. Luho. I thought I only have to drive it in an ATV course. I mean, I don't know how to drive. I don't even know how to ride a bike, wtf! How do they expect me to drive it all the way to the top of Mt. Luho? Wtf! But when we were test-driving the ATVs, I found out that it was quite easy and that you don't need to know how to drive a car or a motorcycle to learn how to drive it. Unlike cars and motorcycles, all you have to press is the gas and the brakes and you're good to go. Gas and brakes, I can do that. The total drive to Mt. Luho and back was about an hour. It was such a great experience. The view from the top of Mt. Luho was exhilarating! It has been one of the highlights of our trip and I'm definitely trying it again.

all geared-up for the ATV ride

me on the ATV. I can drive! see, I'm not completely useless! =)

the amazing view from the top of Mt. Luho

enjoying the view at Mt. Luho viewpoint

2. Parasailing

The ultimate experience! When I was planning the itinerary for the trip, it was the foremost on my list. As I said before in my previous blog post, I wanted to try skydiving at least once before I die. And parasailing is the closest I can get to realizing that dream. I found it so liberating to be strapped in a parachute hundreds of feet in the air while being mercilessly blown by the wind. While I was in the air, I was endlessly screaming due to both excitement and fear, and shouting I Love You to my boyfriend who was strapped beside me. It may sound cheesy, but I found it romantic when my boyfriend and I were shouting I Love You to each other while we were hundreds of feet in the air. Hahaha! Parasailing was an experience to remember. As with ATV, I'll definitely try it again on our next Boracay trip next summer.

parasailing with my boyfriend

up, up and away! yihee!

the operators asked our friends waiting on the sailboat if they wanted us to get wet, and they said, "hell yeah!". so that explains the water touch-down. wtf!

3. Island Hopping

The Philippines is made up of 7,107 islands so naturally, island-hopping is a staple on every beach trip in the country. Our Boracay island-hopping experience was unfortunately unexciting due to the strong waves. The waves got me all dizzy and nauseous. We only got to land on one of the islands, Magic Island, but fortunately our sumptuous lunch made up of sinigang na sugpo (prawns), grilled fish, bananas and fresh buko juice that the island's caretaker cooked for us brightened up our moods and made the grueling boat ride back to white beach much more bearable.

on the boat for the grueling island-hopping

at Magic Island, the only island we were able to land

Boracay love

swimming at Magic island

4. Snorkeling

Another activity that I didn't get to enjoy due to the strong waves. Every time I tried to put on my mask and snorkel and dip my head in the water, I have to remove it again because the water would enter the snorkel and would leave me swallowing the salty sea water. Wtf!

no comment, wtf!

5. Helmet Diving / Seawalking

Helmet diving or seawalking is another underwater activity that Boracay offers. Helmet diving gives you the chance to get up close and personal with the fish in Boracay waters, watch an interactive show featuring your friendly divers, and best of all, have the option to take home the memories (free video and photos are included in the package). Morning is the most ideal time to don the heavy astronaut-like helmet (it weighs 25 kilos on land and 1 kilo underwater, so it's quite a strain on the shoulders) and take the plunge. The fantastic thing about this 30-minute under-the-sea activity is that you don't even have to know how to swim or dive to try it.

while waiting for our turn

taking the plunge

under the sea

honey feeding the fish

seawalking

6. Banana Boat ride

I was still able to enjoy this ride despite the coast guard's prohibition on throwing the passengers in the sea. I don't really have any qualms about that fact since I don't really want to be thrown nonchalantly into the sea and consequently drinking lots of salty sea water. Wtf!

paused in the middle of the sea for a photo-op

goin' bananas

7. Watching the beautiful sunset

Boracay has one of the most beautiful sunsets ever. It's awe-inspiring! And it was so romantic to be sitting on the beach with your loved one while watching the breathtaking sunset that is uniquely Boracay. Aawww!

Boracay's magnificent sunset

watching the sunset

hmmm... nuff said..

8. Nightlife

Boracay is famous for its thriving nightlife and excellent bar scene. But since we were too tired and needing much sleep, we just decided to get a few drinks and sample Aria's pizza while lounging on the throw pillows on the beach before heading back to slumber zone.

chillin' at Aria

cheers!

For more pics, click here.

Life is unfair! T_____T

2009-03-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

warning: this is a VERY angry (and stupid) post!

I am the most STUPID person ever!

'cause I committed the most STUPID thing one can do.

which is: NOT BACKING UP MY FILES ON MY FREAKIN' USB STICK!!! WTF!

and now, I am so paying the price of my stupidity!

my USB stick just died on me the other day. it says that my disk is unformatted whenever I tried to open it. and so now, all my files were LOST. WTF! WTF! WTF!

My last back-up was on December of last year. That's 2 1/2 months worth of my files! I don't mind some of the files that's in there, cause I can easily reconstruct them. I am most worried about my files on this particular client of mine. For 2 months, I've been working on finishing it's monthly financial statements from July-December. I am almost done. Just finishing touches on my December FS. When this STUPID thing happened! When I checked my back-up, only July was there. Which means I have to re-do everything from August-December! WTF!

I'm gonna die! T______T

I have downloaded about half a dozen file recovery programs I found in the net which claims that they can recover my files from my USB stick. But they are all completely USELESS!

And now I am completely HOPELESS!!! T______T

Ok fine! Another lesson learned. Boo!

Kaleidoscope World

2009-03-11T02:23:00.000-07:00

I would like to share this very beautiful song from the King of Pinoy Rap, Francis Magalona, who died of leukemia last March 6, 2009...

Kaleidoscope World
by Francis M.

So many faces, so many races
Different voices, different choices
Some are mad, while others laugh
Some live alone with no better half
Others grieve while others curse
And others mourn behind a big black hearse
Some are pure and some half-bred
Some are sober and some are wasted
Some are rich because of fate and
Some are poor with no food on their plate
Some stand out while others blend
Some are fat and stout while some are thin
Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most
Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin' round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world
Some are great and some are few
Others lie while some tell the truth
Some say poems and some do sing
Others sing through their guitar strings
Some know it all while some act dumb
Let the bassline strum to the bang of the drum
Some can swim while some will sink
And some will find their minds and think
Others walk while others run
You can't talk peace and have a gun
Some are hurt and start to cry
Don't ask me how don't ask me why
Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most
Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin' round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

Learn more about Francis M. and his battle with leukemia at his blog.

Facebook's 25 Random Things About Me

2009-03-08T18:11:00.000-07:00

Thought I should post this list I made for my Facebook account. It's just me and the stupid things I do. Oh, well...

1. I don't know how to ride a bike. Wtf! I never learned how to ride one when I was a kid because first, I'm not really good at balancing myself, up to now, and second, I was so scared of falling over and getting ugly bruises and scars on my legs (I was always told to take care of my legs). Ironically though, my one and only scar that I have on my legs came from a freakin' bicycle. I was riding on the sidecar of my friend's bike when I accidentally cut myself from a metal protruding near the seat of her bike. It got infected and all and now it looks like I have a 25 centavo coin sticked to my left leg. Wtf!

2. I enjoyed chemistry and physics in highschool because of our teacher Ms. Suniega. I especially enjoyed the contests we had wherein each row will go up against each other and race in answering our teacher's questions in the blackboard. Whichever row wins will have additional points added to their quizzes. I remembered one time we had a quiz wherein the total score reached 1000 points (that high because each question was worth like 10 points, I think some even reached 50 points per question) and I got like 950+ points and since our row won the contest we each get additional 50 points and after that my total score reached 1000+ points. It's more than a perfect score. Hahaha!

3. I almost flunked my Rizal subject in college for the silliest of reasons: I rarely attend our classes because I was so engrossed in playing tong-its with my friends. We were that addicted to tong-its we even rented a boarding house so we could play tong-its non-stop and we would even spend over-nighters there. Silly!

4. I cry a lot. I have easy tears. I cry over sappy movies, I cry when I'm mad, I cry when I fight with my boyfriend, I even cry when I have my facial wtf!

5. I love to travel and experience new things. My dream destination is Paris and Greece.

6. I read blogs everyday. I'm currently into Malaysian blogs. My favorites are Su-Ann, Audrey and Tim. I never thought Malaysians could speak that good English. I thought we Filipinos are better in English than them. Apparently, our English is rusting while theirs is rapidly advancing. And are there really that many Chinese in Malaysia? I have never read a Malaysian blog written by a Malay, all of them are Chinese-Malaysians. Hmmm!

7. I don't know how to cook. But now, my boyfriend is teaching me how to cook because he is afraid that he will eat canned-goods and fast-food for all of our married life. Now, I am happy to announce that I now know how to cook fried rice and adobo. I thank you! Bow!

8. I don't know how to clean and paint my nails. I always have to go to the salon just to have them done. What an idiot!

9. I studied in a Catholic school from elementary to highschool. We would pray every flag ceremony, before and after classes, Angelus at 12nn, the 3 O'clock Prayer every 3pm, Novena every Wednesday, Mass every first Friday of the month, Mass every Sunday, confession every month. I was even a commentator and lector during masses since I was a member of the Liturgical Committee. Having said that, you would think that I am a devout Catholic and have an unshakeable faith. But I don't. I don't go to mass anymore because I don't feel anything when I'm in Church. My last confession was before my highschool graduation. I don't really know what is happening to me but I do have lots of questions about my faith. I don't believe everything that is written in the Bible. I am literally losing my religion. But I still believe in God. He is just different to me as He is to most of you. Ok, so I think I'll burn in hell because of this.

10. They said signs of aging becomes visible at age 25. I believe it now. So I think I should start using an anti-aging cream. Wtf!

11. I regretted taking up accountancy in college. I don't think this is the right path for me. I am currently analyzing my options and contemplating on what I really wanna do with my life. Hope it's not too late.

12. I am currently addicted to Body Combat of Fitness First. I love all the punching and kicking and all the action of it. I just hope I'll see the results soon.

13. I want to try sky diving at least once before I die. For the meantime, I'll try parasailing when I get to Boracay this month. It's the closest I can get to sky diving just yet.

14. I thought I will kill myself at 16. I sort of forgot.

15. I started drinking when I was in college. We have this every other day, albeit sometimes everyday, drinking session back in college because of our long vacant periods. We would sometimes attend our classes all drunk and one time our law professor asked us why it smells like chico in the room. We just kept our mouth shut. It's not something to be proud of. But they were good times. And I am now reformed. =)

16. I am often asked if I'm related to Smokey Manaloto. Wtf! Well I'm not.

17. I hate okra! Yuck!

18. I love math. Back in highschool, I represent our school during inter-school competitions and I won a couple of times. Ha! But now, I think I lost it in me. Blame it on technology!

19. I used to collect stationeries back in grade school. My friends and I would use our collections to write daily notes to one another. I kinda miss those days. Today, when I see a Papemelrotti paper, I remember Che.

20. For almost a year a now, I'm afraid to sleep alone. This is due to a traumatizing experience I had a couple of months ago. The thing is, I used to share an apartment with my uncle. One morning, I woke up and found him dead in the living room. He had a heart attack. They said he was already dead for hours when I found him. There I was sleeping soundly in my room oblivious to the fact that my uncle was already dead. I'm still not over that experience. I think it will take time before I fully recovered. Sigh!

21. I usually get disappointed when I hear myself sing. I sound better in my head. Wtf!

22. I rarely watch the news (especially the local news) cause I only get disappointed and irritated. Damn those politicians can't they get their acts straight?

23. I am moody and I often get irritated even with the littlest of things. I hate it when people act so morosely obtuse! Please don't push your luck with me that far.

24. I really wanted to become an astronomer. I love seeing heavenly bodies and i want them revolving around me. Joke! Lol!

25. I am satisfied with some parts of my life right now and is aching for change in some. Life is a never-ending journey. I will just be ready for whatever life will throw my way.

An Early Birthday Present

2009-02-12T00:02:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I'm turning 26 on February 15. Wtf!

Anyway, I received an early birthday present last night in the form of a free spa treatment courtesy of the Fitness First Spa. It's one of the perks that Fitness First offers its members; a free spa on their birthday. Actually, prior to last night, I also received a free spa treatment from them when I enrolled last month. Luckily, I was able to use it last week on the day of its expiration coz I totally forgot that it is only valid for 30 days upon issuance. Wtf!

Last night's free spa treatment was actually just a back massage but I totally loved it. They used the traditional Filipino massage technique called hilot and it was really great. I don't know how the masseuese did it but it felt like electric current was flowing through my body when she did a certain massage technique. Maybe it's the oil, or not, whatever. I wanted to ask the masseuese last night if she could massage my legs instead of my back because my legs really hurt last night from 2 consecutive nights of doing Body Combat but I decided to just shut my mouth and just be thankful that I am receiving a free massage. Wtf!

Anyway, I totally enjoyed my 2 free spa/massages so I decided to book the couple room for me and Jaypee. It will be my Valentine's gift for him. Awww! The staff at the Fitness First Spa showed me the couple room during my first visit and it was so romantic because they decorated it for Valentine's Day and there's even a bathtub with flower petals where we can soak ourselves in (or take a milkbath for an additional fee =)). Since Jaypee had been complaining to me for weeks that he needs a massage and I couldn't give it to him coz I don't know how (he had to content himself with my mediocre massaging), I decided it would be the perfect Valentine's gift for him. =)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

It's been a long time coming..

2009-01-18T20:05:00.000-08:00

Finally, an update...

The start of this year was crazy on my end. I literally did more than just multi-task since December up until now and sadly, I'm not seeing the end to all of it just yet. There's just too much stuff do and I honestly don't know how I could accomplish all of it before my self-imposed deadline. I call it my self-imposed deadline because I've finally decided to say adios to this company that I am working for. It's been a long time coming, believe me. But my heart is not in it anymore. I am no longer happy. So I'm leaving. At first, I thought of leaving at the start of the year... you know, new year, new job... but since it's the audit season, I decided to forego my plans until April 15th. Now, I have to add "scour for new jobs" to my long list of to do's. Well, goodluck to me.

Before the new year started, I had time alone to reflect on the life that I have lived thus far and of the things that I (still) want to do with my life and how I could live the life of my dreams. I have learned that the past 25 years, my life was littered with inconsequential, unimportant things. My life had no focus. My life was a tangent. I am living just for the present without even thinking of the future. Sure, there are some aspects of my life that are good, they may need a little tweaking in some areas, but they are good, nonetheless. And it comforts me. It comforts me that I wasn't a complete failure after all. But there is still time. And with the new year, it gave me new hope. Hope that I could still change things. I know this is waaaayyyyy too late for a new year's resolutions-slash-to do list, but since it's the Chinese New Year, I still think it's kinda appropriate.

......

So, this year, I resolve to:

1. Live healthy / lose weight.

I must admit that one of the things that my boyfriend and I disagree upon is the concept of living healthy. I would literally roll my eyes everytime he would tell me to eat fruits or go for fish and veggies instead of meat or when he would stop me from getting my Snickers bar in the grocery. Wtf! Torture, man! But since I'm a good girlfriend, I would grudgingly oblige. Haha!

This year though, I decided to finally heed my boyfriend's advice and change my eating habits. I thought that since I am not getting any younger and my family have a history of hypertension and diabetes, I must as well start living healthy before it's too late. I also started working out at the start of the year. It's like hitting two birds with one stone. I would be healthy and the best part is, I would lose weight (hello Boracay and Bohol!). Oh, I must add that I really think that I will succeed in my attempt to lose weight cause I would literally starve myself for 1 year just to afford my monthly gym membership dues. Le sigh!

2. Change the world ( lol!)

Ok. I know this is a BIG thing and that I cannot do it alone, but I really want to do my part in all this "change the world" brouhaha. Really. I do want to make a difference in other people's lives, even in my own little ways. This was one my resolutions last year that I was not able to accomplish. Hopefully, this year I would finally be able to make headway with it. I was thinking of volunteering in an NGO that helps other people and at the same time, I have interest in. Well, as they say, small things do make a difference.

3. Socialize more.

Last year, I was kinda anti-social. I love my boyfriend so much so I wanna spend most of my free times with him and I don't wanna be anywhere else but with him. Haha! Guilty. He's like a drug to me, what can I say? My own brand of morphine. So this year, I decided to, you know, live more. Like go out with my friends (go clubbing again! haha! kidding hon!), keep in touch with old friends, strengthen old ties and meet new friends. Sounds pretty exciting to me.

4. Try new things.

This is something that excites me the most. There are a gazillion things that I wanna do that I haven't tried before. Don't get me started on the list cause I tell you, its verrryyyy long. I would just blog about my progress on those things in the months to come.

5. Be more disciplined.

Something that I lack. Wtf! Haha! But I need more of this to succeed in this nth attempt on New Year's resolutions. Goodluck to me!

......

Oh, by the way, January's about to end. So what?, you ask? Nothing really. It's just that, it will be my birthday soon. Just thought you should know. Haha!

Palawan Adventure

2008-12-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to go to Palawan for like forever to experience its beautiful beaches, the pristine nature, to see the world-famous Puerto Princesa Subterranean River National Park (the world's longest navigable underground river which as of date is still ranked #1 on the New 7 Wonders of Nature list. go ahead and vote!), and basically just to experience something new and go to somewhere I've never been to. Finally, I was able to go there with my boyfriend last December 10-12.

The whole experience is totally awesome! The trip was quite short as we only had 1 1/2 days to try to experience everything (we arrived in Puerto Princesa Wednesday night and our return flight is Friday afternoon) but it was great nonetheless. But still, I hope we had more time to experience everything. There's still a lot of places that we weren't able to go to. Le sigh!

Since we arrived Wednesday evening, we decided to start our tour right then and experience Puerto Princesa's nightlife. After checking in at the hotel, we made our way on foot to downtown Puerto Princesa for dinner and some sight-seeing. In the Provincial Capitol, they have this Paskuhan sa Kapitolyo wherein they set up booths and kiosks selling food and souvenirs and put up Christmas decorations and live bands to invite both locals and tourists in. We decided to take our dinner there and some camwhoring. We then proceeded to Puerto Princesa's Baywalk, again on foot, with more sight-seeing along the way. We never thought it was that far. I swear my feet hurt like hell! I like Manila's Baywalk better but at least the bay doesn't smell like trash. Anyways, we took a tricycle going back to the hotel. We had enough of walking!

We woke up early the next day for our tour of the subterranean river that we booked for 1500 bucks per person while we were in the airport. Our tour group consists of 2 vans with only 1 tour guide (at least we had two vans. at first, they want to move all 14 of us in 1 van. fortunately, they decided otherwise). Our van consists of the two of us, two German couple and two cute Danish guys. The 2-hour trip was so exhausting. The roads are zig-zagged, much like driving to Baguio, because we were literally traversing the mountains to get to our destination, plus, half the trip the roads are unpaved. We had a pit stop at the viewing point near Sabang overlooking the South China Sea. It was a great view! We then proceeded to Sabang Bay for our boat ride to the subterranean river. The gruelling trip to the subterranean trip was all worth it! It pretty much lived up to its reputation. We had a great view of it too as we were in the front side of the boat and Jaypee is the one holding the light. The river is 8 kilometers long but the trip was only for 4 kms as it would take us 3 hrs to navigate all 8 kms of it. Jaypee also made friends with some of the monkeys outside the cave. Haha! We headed back to Sabang Bay for a late lunch then made the same 2-hr drive pack to the hotel (the drive back was more gruelling because it was raining, and naturally, the unpaved roads got all muddy which made it more difficult to navigate. we decided to sleep it through). The trip to the subterranean river took 1 day. We were so tired that we just stayed in the hotel the whole evening except to have dinner.

On our last day, we decided to go island-hopping at Honda Bay. We only have half of the day to do it coz we need to go back to Manila that afternoon. We rented a boat for 1300 pesos and snorkeling gear for 200 pesos. That time, we wished we had our friends with us so we could have saved a lot of money. But on the high side, we had the boat all to ourselves. Honda Bay was so serene. There are literally no waves. We went to Pandan Island first. It was nice. Jaypee had a blast snorkeling. As for me, well I did some snorkelling at first, but I was so afraid that the fish would bite me so I decided to just stay near the shore and do some sunbathing. We proceeded next to Snake Island. At first, I thought Snake Island was named as such because there are lots of sea snakes on it, but actually, there were no snakes. It was named Snake Island because it was shaped like a snake. I liked it much better than Pandan Island. It was really beautiful. We snorkeled again, but as with the other island, I was afraid of the fish so I content myself with relaxing near the shore, some swimming and listening to the conversation of two German guys that I cannot even understand. I wished we could have stayed longer on the island. I loved it there. But unfortunately, we had to go back downtown to pack-up and not miss our flight.

Our trip maybe short, but it was really great! Maybe we could go back sometime to see the places we were not able to visit. I can't wait for our next trip. We had already booked our tickets for our Boracay trip this summer. This time though, we would be with two of our friends. It would be FUN! See you in March, Bora!

Meanwhile, here are some pics:

while waiting for the our plane at Terminal 3, our flight was delayed

welcome to Puerto Princesa City, Palawan

at Paskuhan sa Kapitolyo

at the Baywalk

camwhoring at The Legend Hotel Palawan

at the viewpoint, overlooking the South China Sea

at the beautiful Sabang beach

boatride to the subterranean river. it was so windy and the waves are crazy!

at the entrance to the underground river

at the trail to the underground river

Jaypee and one his friends, lol!

picture taking before going inside the cave

Bev love JP =)

we heart Palawan

the serene waters of Honda Bay

island-hopping at Honda Bay

Jaypee feeding the fish at Pandan Island

enough of snorkeling, i'm safer here

the long stretch of Snake Island

See more pics here.

in which I got myself almost knocked out

2008-11-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

A couple of minutes ago, I am reading some papers here in the office of this hotel I am auditing when I suddenly fell asleep and I almost got my head bumped in the table (well, almost because I woke up just before my head hit the table. lucky me!). I am so sleepy due to either lack of sleep or the sleepy environment here in the hotel or both. So to spike me up a little, I turned to the PC and just blog. Luckily, blogger is not restricted here unlike Friendster or Multiply. I think I'll go down to the cafeteria later to get my self a cuppa joe.

Anyways, happy weekend everyone!

=)

Random Thingies

2008-11-16T18:42:00.000-08:00

- I was anticipating a lousy weekend. It turned out it was a blast! Thanks honey! =)

- Wanna get a free one-day pass at Fitness First worth 550 bucks? Buy a Quaker oatmeal then. Last night, I bought an 800g Quaker oatmeal from the grocery which had a free Propel vitamin water in it. When I was paying for it in the counter, I was surprised to find that it also had an attached free one-day pass at Fitness First. Pretty cool actually. My boyfriend hurriedly went back inside to buy his oatmeal so he could avail of the free pass himself.

- I'm so excited for our Palawan trip this December. This is our first out-of-town trip together. I actually have our itinerary all planned out. Can't wait!

- For those asking who I was at my last post, I am actually Aubrey. Why? I thought it was kinda obvious. Nyaha!

- I'm swamped with work this week... and next week, and the week after, and the week after. Those of you in the accounting profession are probably feeling the same frustration that I am feeling over the amount of work that are needed to be done for this year-end closing period. Goodluck to us all!

conversations over a bucket of KFC

2008-11-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

One fine Thursday evening, three friends (a plain but big-headed guy and2 gorgeous gals ;) ) met in a small shop along one of the streets of Metro Manila, to talk about some business and, of course, to keep up with each other's personal lives. Apparently, Lance just broke up with his girlfriend of 7 long years. Aubrey and Diana, both starving already, and thinking that he was such a big jerk for breaking up with her, thought that they need to talk about it over food. And so they went to the nearby KFC and ordered a bucket of original and hot and crispy chicken with four fixins just for the 3 of them. Here's some part of their conversation:

Aubrey: How long did you say your relationship was before you broke-up last month?

Lance: 7 years

Aubrey: Wow! And the nerve of you to be the one to break-up with her considering you're the guy. That hurts! For her, I mean.

Lance: I know. It's just that I woke up one day and thought that I had enough. I got bored. It just doesn't feel right anymore.

Diana: That was it? That's your only reason? That's so shallow!

Aubrey: You said you only see each other twice a week. How could you say that you've had enough?

Lance: Well, 7 years is a long time.

Diana: Exactly! It is a long time. A long time for you to waste.

Aubrey: Is it final? I mean, don't you think you can still get back together?

Lance: I don't know.

Diana: So what do you do nowadays? You go out on dates?

Lance: Yeah. I go out on dates. A friend of mine even gave me a text mate. The girl was texting me but I wasn't replying. And then I looked at her friendster account, it was set on private, so I only saw her primary photo. She was pretty in the picture. But what if she was gay? I mean I only saw her face in the picture besides, a lot of gays out there look pretty. I had to see her in full. So I added her as a friend, she accepted it, and when I saw her pictures, gosh, she's a winner! She's even a contestant at a bikini contest. Plus she have big boobs. Then I frantically started texting her, sending her quotes, but she wasn't replying to me anymore.

Aubrey and Diana: (Laughs) Maybe whe she saw your pictures, she couldn't take it. Nyaha!

Lance: I even told her, "why aren't you texting me anymore?". But she's texting me now once in a while. We'll see.

Aubrey: Did you try to ask for a guilt-free pass from your girlfriend before? My boyfriend's asking me for a guilt-free pass, jokingly, or not. I told him I'll never give him one.

Lance: No. I didn't need to. Because even when we were still together, I'm free. I can do whatever I want. She wasn't prohibiting me from doing anything. She gave me that freedom. But I didn't abuse it. Although right now, I'm sorta having an unlimited guilt-free pass. My friend saw a receipt from Baclaran Apartelle and he asked me how I got it. I told him I just picked it up somewhere, coz I needed receipts for my reimbursements.

(Laughs)

Aubrey: Eeww! Of all places, why do you have to go to Baclaran for a quickie?

Lance: We went to church.

Diana: What, you went to church after to wash away your sins?

Lance: No. I went to church first to ask for forgiveness for the sin that I was about to commit.

(Laughs)

Aubrey: That's how you go on dates?

Lance: Don't be such a manang! That's how things are nowadays. We live in a liberal world.

Diana: Oh, please!

Lance: Anyways, when I remember what happened to us, I still get sad. I feel like I wanna cry. But it's different from our first break-up. This is our second break-up, you see. When we first broke up, I really cried hard. This time though, I'm sad, yes, but things are much easier to bear. She went to my shop one day to talk. She said she want a smooth break-up. She wants closure. And we had it. She told me that even though I'm like this, you know, she was happy when we were together. (teary-eyed)

Aubrey: Wtf! Don't tell me you're crying?

Diana: He is crying. Look at his eyes! Oh, please, stop that. I feel like laughing so hard.

(Laughs)

wake me up when this weekend ends

2008-11-13T18:20:00.000-08:00

another bad morning
which means so would the rest of my day
considering that today's friday
wherein i was supposed to be happy
but sadly, i'm not
plus i have this weekend that i am so not looking forward to
funny, but for the first time in my life
i wish tomorrow's monday
and sunday, tuesday
in that case, i would be pre-occupied with work
and i would not be spending the weekend all by myself
with only my books to keep me company
this week was crazy
i feel so burnt-out, i wanna cry
i just wanna be happy
but why is happiness evading me when i needed it the most?
they said happiness is a choice, you should choose to be happy
i'm really trying to find joy in simple things, small things
but i can't find anything to be happy about, it's frustrating
somebody please tell me this ain't happening
please tell me this was all just a bad dream
come to think of it
i think that's what i need to do
i'll just sleep this through
the song said, wake me up when september ends
i say, wake me up when this weekend ends

T_T

Shoot me in the head, why don't you?

2008-11-12T20:08:00.000-08:00

My day didn't start right, and so, as a consequence, the rest of my day is proving to be just as awful. Crap! I always try to make it a point to be in a good mood every morning, or at least I try to still be cheerful even if my hormones are telling me to kick someone's ass, coz I learned from my 20-some odd years of existence that my mood in the morning pretty much dictates my mood for the rest of the day. But today is an exception. My patience that I am so trying very hard to control just blew up. No, I'm not PMSing, so all my my hormones should be in check. I was just a tad irritated. Beats the crap out of me! The worst thing about this is that I couldn't take comfort to the one person I always run to during times like these, coz that person is the very reason why I am feeling this crappy in the first place. So instead, I took comfort on the next best remedy... food! I was so hungry on the way to the office so I ordered take-out fastfood breakfast. I am now eating a bar of chocolate. Ha! Take that!

The Philippines Through the Eyes of a Foreigner

2008-11-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

I was browsing my email inbox today when I found this email from Yabang Pinoy about an article written by Barth Suretsky, an American, about his observations of the Philippines and the Filipinos. For two years now, I have been an advocate (a rather inactive one, though. shame on me! note to self: buy the abaca band at Powerbooks already) Yabang Pinoy, a campaign to raise awareness and heighten Filipino people's ethos, dignity and pride by advocating the use of braided abaca band that aims to make a statement. The campaign is to constantly remind the Filipino people to take pride of our nationality.

In his article, Suretsky stated that the root of our country's problems is our lack of national pride. However, judging from the positive reception Yabang Pinoy is getting, if pride and respect for our country and our people would be the gauge of the future of the Philippines, I could still see a glimmer of hope. May Yabang tayo!

Below is Suretsy's article.

A Point of View

Inferiority Complex: A Filipino Malady?

by Barth Suretsky

My decision to move to Manila was not a precipitous one. I used to work in New York as an outside agent for PAL, and have been coming to the Philippines since August, 1982. I was so impressed with the country, and with the interesting people I met, some of which have become very close friends to this day, that I asked for and was granted a year's sabbatical from my teaching job in order to live in the Philippines. I arrived here on August 21, 1983, several hours after Ninoy Aquino was shot, and remained here until June of 1984. During that year I visited many parts of the country, from as far north as Laoag to as far south as Zamboanga, and including Palawan. I became deeply immersed in the history and culture of the archipelago, and an avid collector of tribal antiquities from both northern Luzon, and Mindanao.

In subsequent years I visited the Philippines in 1985, 1987, and 1991, before deciding to move here permanently in 1998. I love this country, but not uncritically, and that is the purpose of this article. First, however, I will say that I would not consider living anywhere else in Asia , no matter how attractive certain aspects of other neighboring countries may be. To begin with, and this is most important, with all its faults, the Philippines is still a democracy, more so than any other nation in Southeast Asia. Despite gross corruption, the legal system generally works, and if ever confronted with having to employ it, I would feel much more safe trusting the courts here than in any other place in the surrounding area. The press here is unquestionably the most unfettered and freewheeling in Asia, and I do not believe that is hyperbole in any way! And if any one thing can be used as a yardstick to measure the extent of the democratic process in any given country in the world, it is the extent to which the press is free.

But the Philippines is a flawed democracy nevertheless, and the flaws are deeply rooted in the Philippine psyche. I will elaborate. The basic problem seems to me, after many years of observation, to be a national inferiority complex, a disturbing lack of pride in being Filipino. Toward the end of April I spent eight days in Vietnam, visiting Hanoi, Hue, and Ho Chi Minh City. I am certainly no expert on Vietnam, but what I saw could not be denied: I saw a country ravaged as no other country has been in this century by thirty years of continuous and incredibly barbaric warfare. When the Vietnam War ended in April, 1975, the country was totally devastated. Yet in the past twenty-five years the nation has healed and rebuilt itself almost miraculously! The countryside has been replanted and reforested. Hanoi and HCMC have been beautifully restored. The opera house in Hanoi is a splended restoration of the original, modeled after the Opera in Paris, and the gorgeous Second Empire theater, on the main square of HCMC is as it was when built by the French a century ago. The streets are tree-lined, clean, and conducive for strolling. Cafes in the French style proliferate on the wide boulevards of HCMC. I am not praising the government of Vietnam, which still has a long way to travel on the road to democracy, but I do praise, and praise unstintingly, the pride of the Vietnamese people. It is due to this pride in being Vietnamese that has enabled its citizenry to undertake the miracle of restoration that I have described above.

When I returned to Manila I became so depressed that I was actually physically ill for days thereafter. Why? Well, let's go back to a period when the Philippines resembled the Vietnam of 1975. It was 1945, the end of World War II, and Manila, as well as many other cities, lay in ruins. (As a matter of fact, it may not be generally known, but Manila was the second most destroyed city in the entire war; only Warsaw was more demolished!)

But to compare Manila in 1970, twenty-five years after the end of the war, with HCMC, twenty-five years after the end of its war, is a sad exercise indeed. Far from restoring the city to its former glory, by 1970 Manila was well on its way to being the most tawdry city in Southeast Asia. And since that time the situation has deteriorated alarmingly. We have a city full of street people, beggars, and squatters. We have a city that floods sections whenever there is a rainstorm, and that loses electricity with every clap of thunder.

We have a city full of potholes, and on these unrepaired roads we have a traffic situation second to none in the world for sheer unmanageability. We have rude drivers, taxis that routinely refuse to take passengers because of "many trappic!" The roads are also cursed with pollution-spewing buses in disreputable states of repair, and that ultimate anachronism, the jeepney! We have an educational system that allows children to attend schools without desks or books to accommodate them. Teachers, even college professors, are paid salaries so disgracefully low that it's a wonder that anyone would want to go into the teaching profession in the first place. We have a war in Mindanao that nobody seems to have a clue how to settle. The only policy to deal with the war seems to be to react to what happens daily, with no long range plan whatever. I could go on and on, but it is an endeavor so filled with futility that it hurts me to go on. It hurts me because, in spite of everything, I love the Philippines.

Maybe it will sound simplistic, but to go back to what I said above, it is my unshakable belief that the fundamental thing wrong with this country is a lack of pride in being Filipino. A friend once remarked to me, laconically: "All Filipinos want to be something else. The poor ones want to be American, and the rich ones all want to be Spaniards. Nobody wants to be Filipino." That statement would appear to be a rather simplistic one, and perhaps it is. However, I know one Filipino who refuses to enter a theater until the national anthem has stopped being played because he doesn't want to honor his own country, and I know another one who thinks that history stopped dead in 1898 when the Spaniards departed! While it is certainly true that these represent extreme examples of national denial, the truth is not a pretty picture.

Filipinos tend to worship, almost slavishly, everything foreign. If it comes from Italy or France it has to be better than anything made here. If the idea is American or German it has to be superior to anything that Filipinos can think up for themselves. Foreigners are looked up to and idolized. Foreigners can go anywhere without question. In my own personal experience I remember attending recently an affair at a major museum here. I had forgotten to bring my invitation. But while Filipinos entering the museum were checked for invitations, I was simply waived through. This sort of thing happens so often here that it just accepted routine. All of these things, the illogical respect given to foreigners simply because they are not Filipinos, the distrust and even disrespect shown to any homegrown merchandise, the neglect of anything Philippine, the rudeness of taxi drivers, the ill-manners shown by many Filipinos are all symptomatic of a lack of self-love, of respect for and love of the country in which they were born, and worst of all, a static mind-set in regard to finding ways to improve the situation. Most Filipinos, when confronted with evidence of governmental corruption, political chicanery, or gross exploitation on the part of the business community, simply shrug their shoulders, mutter "bahala na," and let it go at that. It is an oversimplification to say this, but it is not without a grain of truth to say that Filipinos feel downtrodden because they allow themselves to feel downtrodden. No pride.

One of the most egregious examples of this lack of pride, this uncaring attitude to their own past or past culture, is the wretched state of surviving architectural landmarks in Manila and elsewhere. During the American period many beautiful and imposing buildings were built, in what we now call the "art deco" style (although, incidentally, that was not a contemporary term; it was coined only in the 1960s). These were beautiful edifices, mostly erected during, or just before, the Commonwealth period. Three, which are still standing, are the Jai Alai Building, the Metropolitan Theater, and the Rizal Stadium. Fortunately, due to the truly noble efforts of my friend John Silva, the Jai Alai Building will now be saved. But unless something is done to the most beautiful and original of these three masterpieces of pre-war Philippine architecture, the Metropolitan Theater, it will disintegrate. The Rizal Stadium is in equally wretched shape. When the wreckers' ball destroyed Frank Lloyd Wright's Imperial Hotel in Tokyo, and New York City's most magnificent building, Pennsylvania Station, both in 1963, Ada Louise Huxtable, then the architectural critic of The New York Times, wrote: "A disposable culture loses the right to call itself a civilization at all!" How right she was! (Fortunately, the destruction of Pennsylvania Station proved to be the sacrificial catalyst that resulted in the creation of New York's Landmark Commission. Would that such a commission be created for Manila...)

Are there historical reasons for this lack of national pride? We can say that until the arrival of the Spaniards there was no sense of a unified archipelago constituted as one country. True. We can also say that the high cultures of other nations in the region seemed, unfortunately, to have bypassed the Philippines; there are no Angkors, no Ayuttayas, no Borobudurs.True. Centuries of contact with the "high cultures" of the Khmers and the Chinese had, except for the proliferation of Song dynasty pottery found throughout the archipelago, no noticeable effect. True. But all that aside, what was here? To begin with, the ancient rice terraces, now threatened with disintegration, incidentally, was an incredible feat of engineering for so-called "primitive" people. As a matter of fact, when I first saw them in 1984, I was almost as awe-stricken as I was when I first laid eyes on the astonishing Inca city of Machu Picchu, high in the Peruvian Andes. The degree of artistry exhibited by the various tribes of the cordillera of Luzon is testimony to a remarkable culture, second to none in the Southeast Asian region. As for Mindanao, at the other end of the archipelago, an equally high degree of artistry has been manifest for centuries in woodcarving, weaving and metalwork.

However, the most shocking aspect of this lack of national pride, even identity, endemic in the average Filipino, is the appalling ignorance of the history of the archipelago since unified by Spain and named Filipinas. The remarkable stories concerning the Galleon de Manila, the courageous repulsion of Dutch and British invaders from the 16th through the 18th centuries, even the origins of the independence movement of the late 19th century, are hardly known by the average Filipino in any meaningful way. And thanks to fifty years of American brainwashing, it is few and far between the number of Filipinos who really know - or even care - about the duplicity employed by the Americans and Spaniards to sell out and make meaningless the very independent state that Aguinaldo declared on June 12, 1898. A people without a sense of history is a people doomed to be unaware of their own identity. It is sad to say, but true, that the vast majority of Filipinos fall into this lamentable category. Without a sense of who you are how can you possibly take any pride in who you are?

These are not oversimplifications. On the contrary, these are the root problems of the Philippine inferiority complex referred to above. Until the Filipino takes pride in being Filipino these ills of the soul will never be cured. If what I have written here can help, even in the smallest way, to make the Filipino aware of just who he is, who he was, and who he can be, I will be one happy expat indeed!

Dreams and Reality

2008-11-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard
way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning,
middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment
and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.

2 nights ago, I had this weird dream about my dad. I woke up in the middle of the night, teary-eyed, before I finally realized that it was all just a bad dream and that it ain't true, and hopefully, it ain't gonna happen.

In my dream, I was being scolded by my aunt for not coming home to Tarlac on November 1st, All Saint's Day, to visit my father's grave. I was crying as she was telling me this and I was so furious with myself for not even remembering to visit the grave of my own father. When I woke up, I kept thinking it over and over if my dad was really dead until it finally dawned on me that my father's still alive, not 100% well and healthy, but alive, nevertheless.

But eventhough I know that it was just a bad dream, I still felt scared and uneasy afterwards, I had a hard time going back to sleep. You see, last year, I also had a bad dream concerning my dad. In my dream, I was told that my dad was in the hospital again (he was hospitalized that same year for his first stroke, a complication of his diabetes and high-blood pressure) and that he was critical. A few hours later, I received an sms from my mom saying that my dad was indeed in the hospital, he suffered a second stroke and was having internal hemorrhage on his head. I was so horrified to learn that my dream was real. Fortunately, my dad recovered from the stroke. He could not speak and walk properly, and he would be on lifetime medication, but he's still with us and it's all that matters to me.

My latest dream about him didn't come true. Thank God. I don't know what I would do if ever that happens. I love my father so much. Although we may not have the same relationship as before and he may not be, in certain ways, the same father I grew up knowing and loving, he's still my father. He gave me life. He raised me to become what I am now. And no matter what other people might say, he was a good father to us. He might have changed, but I know, we know, that in his heart, he still loves us so much. And for that, I will forever be grateful to him and will love him for all my life.

The Lesson of the Five Balls

2008-11-02T22:56:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from the book Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson.

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls.
The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're
keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that
work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four
balls— family, health, friends, integrity—are made of glass. If you drop one of
these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once
you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings
of balance in your life.

Rainy Days and Mondays

2008-11-02T20:20:00.000-08:00

It's raining again here in the Metro. Plus, it's Monday again. Crap! What a day this will gonna be! Is it just me or are there other people who hate rainy days and Mondays as much as I do? Sigh!

Anyways, enough of the ranting. I've recently spent a quiet, laid-back but otherwise great weekend with my honey. We didn't go anywhere nor did anything special that will qualify as "a great weekend" to other people's standards (we just spent it watching movies, cooking, him teaching me how to cook, listening to some music, watching CSI, doing the laundry, etc.), but any QT spent with my honey will always be "great" to me.

Friday afternoon saw the start of our movie marathon weekend. After going to the cemetery to visit my uncle and grandparent's graves in celebration of All Saint's Day, we went to Trinoma afterwards to watch Nights in Rodanthe starring Richard Gere and Diane Lane. It was a good movie. The beach house was divine. And it really showed that "it's never too late for a second chance". The only thing I hated about the movie was the ending wherein Richard Gere's character died in an accident. Well, I was looking for a happy ending.

After Nights in Rodanthe, we decided to watch another movie adaptation of a Nicholas Sparks novel, Message in a Bottle. Another good movie but sadly, Kevin Costner's character also died in the end. It didn't pass my notice that all three movie adaptations of Nicholas Sparks' books that I have so far watched (Nights in Rodanthe, Message in a Bottle, A Walk to Remember), the lead characters died at the end of the movie. I don't really have a problem with it, it's just that I'm really a sucker for happy endings.

Anyways, the rest of the movies we watched are Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and Sakal Sakali Saklolo. I'm a Harry Potter fan and I can say I had him converted. He'd already watched all five movies and he's borrowing my books for him to read. Ha!

I can't wait for the next weekend. We'll try to do something new, for a change. We'll see.